A little girl with big dreams

I am going to tell you all about how I first got involved in open water swimming and how it has changed my life.

I was born in Cornwall, growing up surrounded by beautiful beaches and tranquil rivers it is no surprise I am a water baby. My earliest memory is being in the water ( mainly wallowing in the muddy parts of the rivers with my dog). My parents tell me that  growing up I had no fear of water and I only ever asked to go to the swimming pool, which is quite surprising as my dad admits to nearly drowning me as a baby. He was bouncing me on his knee and talking to another parent when the lifeguard came rushing over to tell him that each time he dobbed me down my head was being fully submerged! (I am not sure my mum knows about this even to this day!). Luckily this didn’t scupper my enthusiasm and I was soon in enrolled into swimming lessons. My first swimming coach was an amazing man  called Mr D, he was fantastic, he made swimming so much fun and I can still remember his jokes to this day. He suggested I join a local swimming club, Bodmin dragons. It was at that swimming club that I cemented my love of racing and I learnt that to be the best I had to work harder than everyone else.

Cornwall at the time didn’t have the best track record for sending swimmers to National Championships, In fact before me only one swimmer had ever gone before. When I was 13 I qualified for my 1st national event, the 200m butterfly.  I had never swam in a 50m pool before and the heat swim was a steep learning curve. I finished the swim and I had never felt pain like it! I was convinced that I never wanted to swim that event again, so I was dismayed when my coach came over and informed me I had made the final! I locked myself in a toilet and cried. That evening I raced in the final, I was only 13 and believed that if I didn’t try my hardest it wouldn’t hurt as much, how I was mistaken!! After 3 lengths I was last and I vividly remember feeling so embarrassed that I was loosing that the last 50m I gave it everything I possibly could.  I came 4th and that swim changed my life. I got out of the pool and felt disappointed, ashamed that I will never know what I COULD HAVE DONE, so I made a promise to myself that no matter what I did I would try my hardest. Even now 9 years after hanging up my racing goggles I can hand on my heart say that was the only race I didn’t do my best in, which is a liberating feeling.

Up to the age of 19 I had only ever raced in the pool, I specialised in the 200m Butterfly and 800m Freestyle in my view the hardest of the pool events.  I had won national gold medals and had been to the World short course championships in 2004 but I had not really felt I had reached my potential. when I got asked to swim this  outdoor distance event I had never heard of I jumped at the chance. British swimming up to that point had never really invested much time or money into open water, it was a niche event that was seen at the time as ‘an event for failed pool swimmers’. In 2006 it was announced that the 10km marathon swim would be in the Beijing Olympics, so suddenly there was this new interest in the event. My first 10km was in Saville where I was completely clueless on the skills needed to race in open water. I had never even hard of sighting or drafting so that first race was a real eye opener, I came 25th out of 40 but my goodness I LOVED IT! I loved the brutality of the distance as up to that point the furthest I had ever raced was 1500m and I revelled  the physicality of the turning buoys, (I think the judo skills I had learnt when I was younger came into play there!).

I was hooked on open water racing- little did I know then how I would take me all over the world and even into Buckingham palace!

The 2006 season was spent  developing my open water swimming techniques and skills, I raced all over Europe in the LEN open water cup. That year was amazing for honing my race strategy and also allowed me to be exposed to a variety of different conditions, from the freezing murky water of the Royal Albert Docks to the sweltering waters of the Mediterranean sea. I found early on that I prefer Cold Cold water, the closer to the lower legal limit the better. Back when I was racing you were not allowed to wear wetsuits which I am very happy about, I don’t think I would have enjoyed or been so successful in Marathon swimming if I had been made to wear one, I just over heat really quickly and I have yet to find a wetsuit that fits my shoulder without cutting my neck to bits!!!

I was very successful in the 2006-7 season, I amassed the most points in the European Cup league and went on to win the Final in Navia – Spain by nearly 10 seconds ( I think it helped that the water was a barmy 14.9 degrees and the Italians hated it).

2007 I broke through into making waves in the global field, in the March I was selected to swim at the World Championships in Melbourne. I was so super excited!! I love Australia and being able to go to a world champs was a dream come true. The race was held in the iconic St Kilda beach, it was 4 laps of 2.5km. The day before was our warm up swim- where you get to swim the course and cement sighting markers etc, that morning on the news there had been a shark attack 2miles around the course so all the swimmer were a little twitchy getting in. Once in we realised that Skarks were not the most pressing issue we would be dealing with as there were THOUSANDS of jelly fish! They were HUGE and not at all fun to be stung by! So the night before the race not only were we nervous of the event but also felt the fear of knowing that tomorrow we were all going to be stung whilst we swam!

The morning of the race was the same as normal except when it came to starting the race, it was the first race where dive starts were allowed. I remember so clearly swimming out to the pontoon and hearing girls scream and cry as they were being stung on the way to the start line. The race was brutal, not only being stung repeatedly by jellies but all the competitors were so physical and unrelenting in the onslaught of flying arms and the occasional kick. Keri-Anne Payne and myself were at the front of the pack for the majority of the race, which had hidden perks. Not only were there less arms to bash you but you could see the bin lid sized jelly fish approaching so there was a higher chance of dodging them.

I came 2nd in that race and won my first world Championship medal. To this day I still find that hard to believe in a year I went from never having swam the event before to medalling on an international field.

That race gave me a huge confidence boost going into Olympic year. I wrote down a list of goals and aims for the season. They included winning and Olympic medal and also making the final in the 800m final. If anyone had read these they would have though I had lost my mind as I was ranked 98th in the world on the 800m freestyle at the time. The 2008 season I worked so hard, really pushing myself into places I have never even though possible to physically reach. A could of examples of training sessions are:

10x 400m freestyle  in a 50m pool off 5mins holding 4.25-4.30 for each 400.

10x800m Freestyle in a 25m pool off 10mins, 9:45, 9:30 x 3 then one max!

I loved hard work and knowing when I got out of the pool that it was one session when I had got better and one session closer to being the top of my game!

In the March of 2008 I swam at the Olympic trials, I competed in the 200m Butterfly where I made the Qualifing time for the Olympics but came 4th so wasn’t selected and my main event the 800m freestyle. I surprised everyone that day by beating some amazing Swimmers to come 2nd to Rebecca Adlington and qualifying for the Olympics. The elation I felt that day makes me smile and it is a feeling of incredible pride to know that the hard work I put in was worth it.

 Later that month I was back in Saville racing at the World championships which doubled as the Olympic trials. I cam 2nd in that race and secured my spot for the Beijing Olympics.

If you have ever watched the Olympics on the tele or been lucky enough to go to one in person, you will agree that they are one of the biggest and best sporting celebrations in the world. Being there as an athlete was so much better than I ever dreamt of. It starts months before hand when you get sent to the Birmingham NEC centre to get ‘kitted out’ with your Olympic track suit. That day alone was just amazing! There are so many different types of sports clothes there, from tiny female gymnastic leotards to the huge pole volt team bags!

I felt like the ultimate kid in a super sporty candy store! I left with 2 huge suitcases full of Team GB kit!

2 weeks before we were due in Beijing, we flew out to Japan for a two week holding camp. This training camp is to get you acclimatised to the humidity and change in culture. It was such fun, I was swimming so fast and there was this sense of anticipation within camp. From there we flew out into Beijing. We got there 3 days before the opening ceremony as swimming is the 1st event on the calendar.  I will never forget the feeling of walking into the Olympic pool for the 1st time, now I’m a big girl, at 5’11 I never feel small that often but walking into the Olympic pool with 30 thousand seats I felt tiny! I had to tell my self its just a swimming pool- only water and lane ropes.

The 800m Freestyle was up first, it was on day 4 of the games and I had already seen Becky win her 1st Gold. I was in heat 4 of 4 and had seen the girls do some super fast swims in the heats before. I told myself that I am there to do my best and to ENJOY it! I was fortunate to have one of my biggest rivals in the lane next to me- she was an Aussy open water swimmer called Melissa. Being an Aussy she was always bragging how she was going to beat me and how Australia is better… bla.. bla..bla! little did she know that rather than phycing me out it was like fuel to my fire. ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS BEAT HER! When the gun went off I got the bit between my teeth and swam the swim of my life. When I touched the wall and looked at the score board I saw that I had come 2nd in my heat going 8.25.92 - beating some big names and most importantly Melissa!!  I waved up to my family in the stands and looked back at the score board and I couldn’t believe my eyes I had come 8th and qualified for the final! Elated doesn’t cover it, to this day it is the most happy I have been in my professional life. To give you some perspective a year before I was ranked 99th in the world and going into the Olympics I was seeded 32nd.  In the Final I came 8th and was privileged to be in the race where Becky broke the World record! ( yes that was me that told the queen to make her a DAME in the post race interview!)

About 5 days later we travelled 1 hour outside of Beijing to the rowing lake, the venue of the Marathon swimming. I recall the Canoeist Tim Brabants stating to us that we must be mad the water was far to disgusting to swim in, unfortunately he was right, it wasn’t the cleanest water I had ever seen.  Due to it being a Rowing lake the course was a 2.5km loop square and uneventful, there was even the lane markers in it.

The morning of the race went to plan, all my preparation was for this moment. I felt great, excited, apprehension and most of all ready to get in a show the world what I was capable of.  We lined up, I was swimmer 2 of 25 so I was on the far end a perfect place for me. When the gun went off I dived in and I remember doing a full underwater butterfly kick break out. When I came up I was near the front. I worked hard on that 1st 2.5km to get to the front as I loved being at the front of races, so to set the speed of the race. I was next to Keri – Anne we were next to each other for the entire race. No it wasn’t planned, although we were team mates we never spoke of tactics or race plans together we were to individuals when we got in the water. I successfully fed twice during the 10km on the 2 and 3rd laps, which was a blessing as the water tasted DISGUSTING and it was pushing 35degrees that day.

The final lap the the most pain I had ever felt while racing, the pace was relentless it equated to swimming 67 seconds per 100 for all 100x100’s! As we approached the final 1000m , Keri-Anne Payne , Larissa Ilchenko the Russian 10 time world champion and I were all neck and neck gunning for the finish line.

It was with 25m to go one of the worst things in my life happened to me. The German Swimmer who was sitting in 4th pulled my leg back. That one action has undoubtedly changed the course of my life. I want to make this very clear – I am not saying I would have won, or beaten Keri Anne and came 2nd BUT I will never know What I could have done or what I was capable of.  That one deceitful and cowardly action from a vile swimmer who has no sense of fair play and decency. When she was faced with tough opposition, she didn’t feel like she had the ability or the courage to dig deep and win herself a medal without foul play.  

When I touched the finish instead of feeling pride, and joy I felt anger and bitterness, not at the fantastic swims of Keri- Anne  or Larissa but at the fact I was cheated out of my moment to feel that elation you should feel at becoming an Olympic Medallist.

I am going to be completely honest with you readers I took me several years to look at my Medal and feel anything but sadness and even writing this account 12 years on I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

 For me my solace is I have that Olympic medal, I had that moment on the podium I am an Olympic medallist and she hasn’t, didn’t and isn’t.

I don’t want to leave this article on a negative as it really isn’t all bad, I had the most fantastic time at the Olympics yes it was Marred and strangely the 800m heat was my favourite moment but time has healed. I am now proud of my achievements, my wonderful partner Martin has been so instrumental in making me feel that pride in my swimming achievements. Last year on the 16th August we welcomed our beautiful Daughter into the world. She is called Lily Olympia and as fate would have it was born on the 11th anniversary to the day of that 800m heat swim.

It is quite fitting that the conclusion of my trip down memory lane, coincides with the 12 year anniversary of the Beijing Olympics. After Beijing I suffered from, what sports people call, the post Olympic blues. It is a daunting feeling knowing you have 4 years of hard work and early morning before the next opportunity to compete at an Olympics. It is the reason so many sports people call it a day after the Games.

When I look back on it now I am sure I was suffering some form of depression. I felt cheated out of the moment I should have cherished, I felt sick every time someone congratulated me on my performance. I hid my medal away and only begrudgingly got it out to show people. I had completely lost the love for everything, found it hard to motivate myself to even get out of bed let alone get back in the pool. I remember getting to training crying whilst I put my costume on and I physically could not even bring myself to dive in the water so I just drove home again.

This darkness went on for months, until my coach pulled some strings with British cycling and got me to see the Legendary psychiatrist Dr Steve Peters, the author of the Chimp Paradox. I recall the first time I met him, he listened to my sob my way though my feelings and when I finished he said ‘ Cassie lets get one thing straight- you get payed to travel the world splashing around in a puddle of water! There are people out there who would do anything to be in your position.’ It was brutal and cutting but my goodness that was the slap in the face I needed to start getting things into perspective. I worked with Steve for several months and together we got my ‘Chimp’ into its cadge. (if you have no idea what I’m referring to I highly recommend you reading the Chimp Paradox).

By the time I was back in the pool properly, training  and competing well again it was late 2010, I was in the best shape of my life and was finally feeling good about myself. I had my sights firmly set on London 2012, I was more motivated than ever. The Open water qualifications was going to take place in 2011, a whole year before the games. I had qualified to compete at the Shanghai World Championships which doubled as the qualification event. All was going to plan, then disaster struck.

One Saturday morning I woke up and found it hard to lift my right arm, shoulder injuries had plagued my career since I was 16 and I was quite used to being in pain but this was different. I got to the pool and told my coach, as Saturday morning was the hardest session of the week, but he replied to get on with it. So that’s what I did, I trained hard and pushed myself to the limit. The next morning I woke up and I could not lift my arm past shoulder height. I booked in to see the team physio who after treating me referred me to a shoulder specialist, where I had several scans and MRIs. The whole time I was still training hard between 80 and 100km a week, taking copious painkillers to numb the pain. To give you some insight into how bad my shoulder was I could not cut up my food using my right hand, I used to get my flat mates to cut it up for me, I couldn’t brush my hair with my right hand and every night I would wake up to my right hand clenched into a fist because of the nerve damage. I know some of you will be reading this who have suffered from shoulder pain and can relate to this but for the rest shoulder injuries eat at you because everything you do from opening a door to reaching for toilet paper hurts and makes you feel sick.

When I travelled out to shanghai I begged my dad to come out, I knew that that race would ether make or end my swimming career, as I had to come top 10 to make the Olympics. In the holding camp I was on average 7-10 sec per  100m slower that I had been pre injury. On the morning of the race I was so nervous. I never normally suffered from nerves, as I revelled in racing and competing. I had taken the legal limit of painkillers to try and get my shoulder to hold out for 10km. I dived in and the start of the race went well, for 2.5km I was up with the leading pack. Then at about 3km my right arm got knocked roughly and the sheering pain in my shoulder took my breath away. I swam the next 7km -1.5hours delirious with pain. When the finish line came into view I gritted my teeth and pushed to the final stroke. On the touch I didn’t want to look at the score board as I just knew I had not come top 10. I had came 19th and my Olympic dream was over.

I cried for about 3 days straight, my dad who had travelled to China to support me tried to cheer me up with copious amounts of ice cream. When we landed back in the UK my dad came with me to see the shoulder specialist who told me that my shoulder tendon had been worn away and was ‘ hanging on by a tread!’ he also told me that If I ever wanted a good quality of life in the future and have a shoulder strong enough to hold any children I would have in the future, I needed to stop swimming as soon as possible. After that consultation my dad took me for cake and he told me that I had done amazing things in my swimming career and I had to think of the rest of my life.

I retired from swimming on the 7th October 2011.

After that I travelled the world for a year, it was very strange not having to be up at 4am to go to the pool and for the first time in a long time I didn’t smell of chlorine. When I landed back in the uk I had a full shoulder reconstruction, with good results. I have about 80% of the range of movement in that shoulder. It still pains me to swim or to lift my arm above my head but day to day it is pretty good.

I got to work at the 2012 Olympics, I was the Sky Sport Swimming pundit. I loved getting glammed up and talking about swimming. I was also asked to be the in venue commentator for the Marathon swim at the Serpentine. It was surreal to be sat on a boat talking about the race that I had trained so hard to be part of but for me it was Closure I needed.

As an Olympic medallist I was asked to go to the Opening ceremony, it was an incredible experience. When the Olympic flame was being lit in the arena, they played a clip of every British medallist. I recall getting goose bumps seeing myself in lights with a hundred thousand people cheering. I rang home and said ‘ mum  I’m an Olympic medallist’  to a reply of ‘ its only taken you four years to realise?’ but I guess it had. It was only then when the magnitude of what it means to be an Olympic Medallist sank in.

I am Proud of my medal now, I am proud of what it took to win in,  thousands of hours of hard work years of dedicating myself to swimming and believing I could win.  I go into schools and tell ‘my story’, of how a little girl from Cornwall, worked hard and  made her dreams come true. I would say I have shown close to 10 thousand school children my medal and I love it when years later by chance I meet one of the pupils again and they tell me they remember the jelly fish story!!

Now this has been a very abridged version of my swimming career but I would not have even been at the Olympics at all without a very special few, people who have supported me, cheered me on and pushed me to be the best I could be. So Thankyou to Mr D my first swimming teacher who made me love being I the water. All my coaches at Bodmin SC, Plymouth Leander, Stockport Metro and briefly City of Sheffield, Especially Sean Kelly, Mark Perry, Helen Slatter and Emma Deaking my Olympic dream team. The biggest and most heart felt thank you goes to ‘ TEAM PATTEN’ Daddles who despite nearly drowning me as a baby was always there for me, at every gala and always new exactly what to say in every situation. To Grudge who used to Pack my swimming bag, anti-fog my goggles, pack my lunch, taxi me to training and was always there in the background supporting me. Finally Sistee thankyou for spending much of your childhood at swimming pools, never complaining about spending birthdays on poolside at Nationals and just being my biggest cheerleader. Thanks guys I honesty wouldn’t have done it without you. Finally thanks Marty for just being you and loving me for being me.